Breaking the Habit of Overthinking: A Journey to Self-Acceptance
*This post is written by Ecaterina-Sonia Lazarescu and describes her coaching journey.
Introduction
My name is Ecaterina Lazarescu, a 33-year-old software engineer from Romania. My journey towards self-improvement has been filled with challenges, particularly the struggle with overthinking. This habit often trapped me in cycles of doubt and insecurity, preventing me from expressing myself and pursuing my goals.
The Cycle of Overthinking
Overthinking for me was a relentless cycle of self-doubt. At work, despite being a problem solver, I often hesitated to share my ideas, fearing they weren't good enough. This internal battle led to physical symptoms like agitation and anxiety, severely affecting my self-esteem and productivity.
My inner dialog was self-critical and harsh:
-Why do you think your ideas will work?
-Others have even brighter ideas, why should I bother to tell mine?
-I tried in the past expressing myself and it did not end well, I better stay quiet.
-Why are you not saying anything? That means other are way better than you!
-You are not fit for this role if you don’t have any ideas to say!
-You can’t do this! You are weak!
This was a typical way of beating myself up and disempowering myself.I felt like I’m trapped in my mind, following a logic that would only lead to a dead-end. This never-ending cycle caused me to self-sabotage. I didn’t have energy for my dreams and what really matters to me.
The Turning Point
Acknowledging my overthinking was the first step towards breaking free. In every situation there is a decision point. I told myself: “This can’t go on forever, I don’t want to do this anymore! There must be a solution, a way out". This shift in mindset, from feeling trapped to seeking solutions, was liberating. With the help of Natalya, who guided me through practical exercises, I began to cope with and manage my overthinking.
Practical Strategies to Cope
Creating a Safe Space: Placing my hands on my heart and belly, closing my eyes, and telling myself, "It's okay, I got you," helped build a bond of trust within myself.
Being Present: Asking questions like "How do I feel right now?" made me more aware of my present state, diverting focus from overthinking.
Meditation: Taking moments to breathe deeply and clear my mind helped break the cycle of negative thoughts.
Inner Alignment: Trusting my decisions and accepting the consequences boosted my confidence and self-esteem.
Self-Kindness: Accepting my mistakes and imperfections as learning opportunities made my inner critical voice more constructive.
Life After Overthinking
Implementing these practices brought significant positive changes:
- Increased Confidence: I now enjoy my work more and confidently express my ideas.
- Improved Relationships: Understanding and balancing my emotions has improved my interactions with others.
- Personal Growth: I am exploring new interests like machine learning and writing, and have reduced my time on social media.
- Better Focus: I can concentrate better on tasks and feel more accomplished.
Final note
While I haven't completely overcome overthinking, the journey has taught me invaluable lessons about self-acceptance and continuous self-improvement. Writing this is a testament to breaking the habit of overthinking and embracing the present.
By sharing my story, I hope to inspire others struggling with similar challenges to seek solutions and find peace within themselves.